Monday, 31 July 2017

Top Ten Quotes on Perfectionism

Today I read a sobering article about perfectionism - linking it with suicide. 

Perfectionism is described by Psychology Today as the following mindset:

"For perfectionists, life is an endless report card on accomplishments or looks. It's a fast and enduring track to unhappiness, and perfectionism is often accompanied by depression and eating disorders. What makes perfectionism so toxic is that while those in its grip desire success, they are most focused on avoiding failure, so theirs is a negative orientation. And love isn't a refuge; in fact, it feels way too conditional on performance. Perfection, of course, is an abstraction, an impossibility in reality, and often it leads to procrastination. There is a difference between striving for excellence and demanding perfection."

Perfectionism is something I come across in my daily life, working with students with social, emotional and mental health needs - not just the students, but in myself also. It can be simply a mildly annoying and hampering tendency but when you travel down the perfectionist road too far, it can lead to exhaustion and other longer-term conditions that cause substantial physical harm. And as the article I mention above highlights, at its most extreme perfectionism can lead to suicidality.

There is an argument as this article highlights that both the recently-reformed education system, with its renewed focus on numerical grades and 'gold standards', alongside the rise of social media culture, are pushing young people towards perfectionism - particularly it would seem girls.

Here are ten quotes on the dangers which may help us see it more clearly for what it is:

>> "Perfectionism is internalized oppression." - Gloria Steinem

>> “Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.” - Anne Wilson Schaef

>> “Good enough is good enough. Perfect will make you a big fat mess every time.” - Rebecca Wells

>> “If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.” - Ecclesiastes 11:4

>> “On Tolkien: "His fussiness threatened to overwhelm his creativity.” - C. S. Lewis

>> "Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." ~Harriet Braiker

>> "A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault." - John Henry Newman

>> "To escape criticism — do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." ~Elbert Hubbard

>> “The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection.” - George Orwell

>>  "And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." - John Steinbeck

Certainly with my own students, I regularly discuss 'good enough' and 'perfect' in terms of work expectations - emphasising the limitations of time to complete a project (time framed as a 'budget', that can only be spent on so much product in terms of quality and quantity). This is a good starting point, alongside being more open and authentic with students about your own mistakes.

If you are worried about your own perfectionist tendencies, it might be worth trying out this questionnaire to gain self-awareness about just how far you go with it - and from there, maybe engaging in something like a CBT or mindfulness course. There is no shame in this - pursuing 'mental fitness' should be regarded as worthwhile, and as everyday, as going on a diet or going to the gym as we do when pursuing 'physical fitness'.

Saturday, 22 July 2017

Onwards to Summer

Another academic year has finished and we teachers, and our students, now look to an extended summer break. This can be a time of mixed feelings - the buzz of a holiday and pleasure gained from lots of 'free time' but maybe also some apprehension, particularly for our young people who find stability, structure and stimulus in school (I have also heard colleagues admit to this).

Within my own setting it has been a year of joy at seeing young people make big changes to their lives, which will hopefully continue to bring fruit as they move on from us. It has also been a year in which there have been some very challenging moments, moments of real darkness that have needed to be weathered and somehow overcome - individually and together.

I'm not really one for church-going but these well-known words from the Book of Ecclesiastes, seem fitting:

“For everything there is a season, 
and a time for every matter 
under heaven:

a time to be born, 
and a time to die;

     a time to plant, 
and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, 
and a time to heal;

a time to break down, 
and a time to build up;

a time to weep, 
and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, 
and a time to dance;

a time to throw away stones, 
and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, 
and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, 
and a time to lose;
a time to keep, 
and a time to throw away;

a time to tear, 
and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, 
and a time to speak;

a time to love, 
and a time to hate;

a time for war,
and a time for peace."

Here's wishing you all a good summer...

Sunday, 2 July 2017

Teachers as Champions

I know some people love them, but I cannot say I spend much time watching 'Ted Talks'. However, a colleague shared this with me and I found it to be affirming about what it means to be a teacher.